I am still here. I am not sure why I have been so quiet but I want to try and remedy that. So, here's an update.
I am training to run a marathon. I haven't really grasped that yet. I'm training with 3 other friends and so far, the training schedule isn't bad. We've been running 3 miles two times a week (some run more because they're overachievers) and then a 6 mile run on the weekend. Tomorrow we have a 7 mile run and it will start to increase. I looked ahead to April and it was kind of overwhelming. So I'll take it one week at a time. We're planning to follow the run-walk strategy and run for 5 minutes, then walk for 1 minute. We haven't run this way yet so we might tweak it.
I have started reading the Bible in One Year - again. Last year I tried this and made it to May. But this year I bought the actual Bible instead of printing the plan from the internet. I also bought it for my Nook, which means I can always read it as long as I have my Bible, Nook or iPod with me. So far, it's working great and I've read it every single night. I'm very hopeful that I can keep this up all year.
We are getting ready to try to sell our house again. This time, we are going to rent a storage unit and try to empty it as much as we can to show off the space better. We are also trying to stage it better. I am working on the contentment area but feeling okay about moving on to something bigger if possible. Brendan recently expressed an interest in having his own room. He is 11 and Owen is 4 - that's a big gap. And it will seem really big in a couple years. I don't know if he would ever be desperate enough to move to the basement but that is an option if we're still in this house. Trying to think positively but I like having a back-up plan. I'm not sure how the idea of a "back-up plan" fits with the whole idea of faith but that is another discussion for another day.
It seems like I'm trying a lot of things *again* this year. Running a long race (last year was the half marathon and I'm doing one of those again, too), reading the Bible in a year, selling our house. I hadn't realized that before. I'm learning from past mistakes and not giving up. That's exciting to think about. This is going to be a great year.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Learning
I wish learning wasn't such a process. A slow, tedious process. I wish it came easier. I wish I didn't fight it as much.
I have this tendency to immediately assume the worst when there is a change in plans. I begin to list off all the reasons why I am justified in feeling upset with the change in plans and how it's not in my best interests. It's really all about me, isn't it?
Lately, I have been trying hard to change this attitude. To flex more, go with the flow, not be so insistent on doing everything my way. Have you ever tried to push a parked car? It feels a bit like that. I never really thought of myself as a stubborn person but it is a deeper problem than I realized. My mom probably laughed out loud just now.
The good news is that I am starting to recognize this more easily now. The bad news is that I still react the same way. So now, I am upset when things don't go my way and I am upset with myself for being upset. I know I will regret it later and yet, I still lick the wound and let myself feel the hurt or anger.
I think I am beginning to see glimmers of hope. Twice in the last week, I have recognized my incorrect attitude and apologized and realized what it cost me or almost cost me. I have admitted my self-centeredness and tried to see it from the other's point of view. I am really hoping that this becomes easier with time. Fighting with myself gets exhausting.
I have this tendency to immediately assume the worst when there is a change in plans. I begin to list off all the reasons why I am justified in feeling upset with the change in plans and how it's not in my best interests. It's really all about me, isn't it?
Lately, I have been trying hard to change this attitude. To flex more, go with the flow, not be so insistent on doing everything my way. Have you ever tried to push a parked car? It feels a bit like that. I never really thought of myself as a stubborn person but it is a deeper problem than I realized. My mom probably laughed out loud just now.
The good news is that I am starting to recognize this more easily now. The bad news is that I still react the same way. So now, I am upset when things don't go my way and I am upset with myself for being upset. I know I will regret it later and yet, I still lick the wound and let myself feel the hurt or anger.
I think I am beginning to see glimmers of hope. Twice in the last week, I have recognized my incorrect attitude and apologized and realized what it cost me or almost cost me. I have admitted my self-centeredness and tried to see it from the other's point of view. I am really hoping that this becomes easier with time. Fighting with myself gets exhausting.
Monday, December 5, 2011
My beautiful family
These are some of the photos taken by Wendi, of Ordinary Miracles Photography. She is crazy talented and I think they turned out amazing.
My boys - very comfortable in front of the camera
My girls - unpredictable but still adorable
And then there is us. So thankful to be sharing this journey with him!
My family
My boys - very comfortable in front of the camera
My girls - unpredictable but still adorable
And then there is us. So thankful to be sharing this journey with him!Sunday, December 4, 2011
More on contentment
I've been thinking about contentment a lot lately. We have been wanting to move out of our house for the past 5 years. The twins are 4 1/2 years old - you do the math. For various reasons, it has not happened yet. I go through phases - there are many things I love about this house - our yard, proximity to stores and restaurants, and our monthly payment. There are other things I don't love or even like that much - tiny bedrooms, one (very tiny) bathroom, a kitchen that also functions as a hallway (although I think I like that better than feeling like I'm stuck in a corner). Weeks will go by when I am perfectly content to live here. Usually after I clean out all the extra stuff and everything has a place.
Then something happens - maybe there is a line for the bathroom or something else needs to be fixed again. Or I bump my head when I'm tucking the girls into bed at night. Or my knees hurt when I get up after kissing Owen good-night from his bed on the floor. (He has a mattress - but still, it's on the floor.) And I think, "Enough! I'm tired of squeezing all 6 of us in this house! I'm ready for something more spacious, where we can entertain easier and have more room to spread out." I get motivated to fix it up and get it ready to list and then it hits me. I'm not content.
I know it's not wrong to sell a house and move to a different one. But I can't figure out how to do that and be content at the same time. When I'm truly content, truly thankful for all we have, I have no desire to move. I see the positives and am ready to overlook the negatives or at least find creative solutions to deal with those negatives. I have a better perspective of how good we have it compared to so many others and realize I have no right to complain.
Does all change spring from discontentment? Change isn't bad but contentment is good. How do you have one without the other? There was a phrase I learned in my intro to psych class in college called cognitive dissonance and I am experiencing a lot of that right now. The definition is "the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time." And no, that was not from memory.
I think I was wrong before about contentment being different than thankfulness. I think when you are truly thankful, then you are content. You don't ask for more.
Last month, I thanked God for the many good things in my life. But I never thanked Him for the hard things. The things that I would change if I could. This seems like a good place to start in my quest for contentment. To recognize and reaffirm that God is good, all the time, and I trust Him, all the time.
Then something happens - maybe there is a line for the bathroom or something else needs to be fixed again. Or I bump my head when I'm tucking the girls into bed at night. Or my knees hurt when I get up after kissing Owen good-night from his bed on the floor. (He has a mattress - but still, it's on the floor.) And I think, "Enough! I'm tired of squeezing all 6 of us in this house! I'm ready for something more spacious, where we can entertain easier and have more room to spread out." I get motivated to fix it up and get it ready to list and then it hits me. I'm not content.
I know it's not wrong to sell a house and move to a different one. But I can't figure out how to do that and be content at the same time. When I'm truly content, truly thankful for all we have, I have no desire to move. I see the positives and am ready to overlook the negatives or at least find creative solutions to deal with those negatives. I have a better perspective of how good we have it compared to so many others and realize I have no right to complain.
Does all change spring from discontentment? Change isn't bad but contentment is good. How do you have one without the other? There was a phrase I learned in my intro to psych class in college called cognitive dissonance and I am experiencing a lot of that right now. The definition is "the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time." And no, that was not from memory.
I think I was wrong before about contentment being different than thankfulness. I think when you are truly thankful, then you are content. You don't ask for more.
Last month, I thanked God for the many good things in my life. But I never thanked Him for the hard things. The things that I would change if I could. This seems like a good place to start in my quest for contentment. To recognize and reaffirm that God is good, all the time, and I trust Him, all the time.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The same but different
After writing about being thankful for things all month, I have come to a realization: being thankful and being content are two different ideas. They seem to be the same thing. You would think that if a person was thankful for what she had, she would also be content. But they're not exactly the same.
Being content seems to be a bit more of a process. It's like going the next step. It's saying, "Thank you for what I have." and also, "I don't want anything else."
I'm doing a lot better with the first area. I need a lot of work in the second. Because I do want more. I feel like Sally from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" when she says, "All I want is what I . . . I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share." I am thankful for what I have but at the same time, I want more and bigger and better. And often, I start to mistakenly think that I deserve more, that it's my fair share.
Maybe this month needs to be a month focused on contentment. To truly be thankful and not ask for anything else in return. To honestly mean, as Paul said in 1 Timothy 6:8, "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." Maybe I just need to read that every day for a month and see if it can start to take root in my heart. Get rid of Sally and listen to Paul more. That's a pretty good goal for December.
Being content seems to be a bit more of a process. It's like going the next step. It's saying, "Thank you for what I have." and also, "I don't want anything else."
I'm doing a lot better with the first area. I need a lot of work in the second. Because I do want more. I feel like Sally from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" when she says, "All I want is what I . . . I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share." I am thankful for what I have but at the same time, I want more and bigger and better. And often, I start to mistakenly think that I deserve more, that it's my fair share.
Maybe this month needs to be a month focused on contentment. To truly be thankful and not ask for anything else in return. To honestly mean, as Paul said in 1 Timothy 6:8, "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." Maybe I just need to read that every day for a month and see if it can start to take root in my heart. Get rid of Sally and listen to Paul more. That's a pretty good goal for December.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Day 30
Wednesday
Ta-da! The last day in November. This has been a really good exercise for me. I have found myself thinking through the day about things I am thankful for and how blessed I am.
Today, on this last day of giving thanks (blogging about it anyways), I am thankful for a snow day.
We usually don't benefit from snow days because we're home anyways. No matter what the weather, we can get our school work done. But today was Wednesday and we had Pioneers, our homeschool co-op. But it was canceled! Suddenly we had an extra day at home in front of us.
And I started thinking about how we could do our normal school work and get ahead. But then I read some friends posts on facebook about playing in the snow and I remembered how exciting it was when I was a kid to have an unexpected break in the middle of the week. So I told the kids, "No school today." And their smiles lit up their faces.
They hurried to get their snow gear on and rushed outside. They came in to have hot chocolate at one point and I said, "Go ahead and play video games or watch tv if you want for awhile." And they were flabbergasted. That is not usually allowed until 3:30 around here, even on Saturday. And they happily played (okay, just a couple fights) until lunch and then they went back outside again.
And I enjoyed being a mom and not a teacher today. I cleaned and read and went outside with them and appreciated the snow. It was a beautiful day.
Ta-da! The last day in November. This has been a really good exercise for me. I have found myself thinking through the day about things I am thankful for and how blessed I am.
Today, on this last day of giving thanks (blogging about it anyways), I am thankful for a snow day.
We usually don't benefit from snow days because we're home anyways. No matter what the weather, we can get our school work done. But today was Wednesday and we had Pioneers, our homeschool co-op. But it was canceled! Suddenly we had an extra day at home in front of us.
And I started thinking about how we could do our normal school work and get ahead. But then I read some friends posts on facebook about playing in the snow and I remembered how exciting it was when I was a kid to have an unexpected break in the middle of the week. So I told the kids, "No school today." And their smiles lit up their faces.
They hurried to get their snow gear on and rushed outside. They came in to have hot chocolate at one point and I said, "Go ahead and play video games or watch tv if you want for awhile." And they were flabbergasted. That is not usually allowed until 3:30 around here, even on Saturday. And they happily played (okay, just a couple fights) until lunch and then they went back outside again.
And I enjoyed being a mom and not a teacher today. I cleaned and read and went outside with them and appreciated the snow. It was a beautiful day.
Day 29
Tuesday
Thankful for:
- my last physical therapy appointment! I am so grateful that they were able to correctly diagnose what was causing me pain and correct that and show me how to keep it from happening again but I'm also very glad to be done.
- coloring with my kids. All of us, sitting at the dining room table, with colored pencils and crayons spread out. I still haven't outgrown my love for coloring.
- a warm house that keeps us dry, especially when the weather is less than pleasant. Cold, rainy and windy - I'll just stay inside curled up with a book and take a nap. So thankful for those simple pleasures.
Thankful for:
- my last physical therapy appointment! I am so grateful that they were able to correctly diagnose what was causing me pain and correct that and show me how to keep it from happening again but I'm also very glad to be done.
- coloring with my kids. All of us, sitting at the dining room table, with colored pencils and crayons spread out. I still haven't outgrown my love for coloring.
- a warm house that keeps us dry, especially when the weather is less than pleasant. Cold, rainy and windy - I'll just stay inside curled up with a book and take a nap. So thankful for those simple pleasures.
Day 28
Monday
Today I am thankful for a routine. I love having days off but it's only because of our regular routine that I can truly appreciate the break.
I'm thankful for a doctor who quickly diagnosed some stomach pains that Brendan has been having and had an answer and a solution. He has been having some recurring nausea and occasional vomiting for the past 6 months and this last weekend it was worse and he was not eating much at all. It was good to put a name to it - gastritis - and to know that it will most likely be better after a few weeks on a strong antacid.
I'm thankful I switched the kids from their pediatrician to our family doctor this summer. I have not regretted that decision at all. What used to take about 3 hours now takes 45 minutes and that has been huge to me. I still don't call the doctor unless necessary but I don't dread it like I used to.
Today I am thankful for a routine. I love having days off but it's only because of our regular routine that I can truly appreciate the break.
I'm thankful for a doctor who quickly diagnosed some stomach pains that Brendan has been having and had an answer and a solution. He has been having some recurring nausea and occasional vomiting for the past 6 months and this last weekend it was worse and he was not eating much at all. It was good to put a name to it - gastritis - and to know that it will most likely be better after a few weeks on a strong antacid.
I'm thankful I switched the kids from their pediatrician to our family doctor this summer. I have not regretted that decision at all. What used to take about 3 hours now takes 45 minutes and that has been huge to me. I still don't call the doctor unless necessary but I don't dread it like I used to.
Day 27
Sunday
Thankful for:
- a calm day in the nursery. We have had some doozies so I do not take this lightly.
- getting to work in the nursery with good friends - lots of laughs and lots of help.
- the chance to get to know a young lady from church and talking for almost 2 hours about how to be a wise woman in God's eyes and also what kind of music we like. Could have easily talked longer. Very thankful for this opportunity.
- putting up our Christmas tree and decorations and watching the kids put up ornaments. I only moved a few, honest. Not only are they so pretty to look at, but it makes the season less stressful knowing that part is done and not having to find a time to do that. Now I'm in the mood for making Christmas cookies and snow and planning other fun events.
Thankful for:
- a calm day in the nursery. We have had some doozies so I do not take this lightly.
- getting to work in the nursery with good friends - lots of laughs and lots of help.
- the chance to get to know a young lady from church and talking for almost 2 hours about how to be a wise woman in God's eyes and also what kind of music we like. Could have easily talked longer. Very thankful for this opportunity.
- putting up our Christmas tree and decorations and watching the kids put up ornaments. I only moved a few, honest. Not only are they so pretty to look at, but it makes the season less stressful knowing that part is done and not having to find a time to do that. Now I'm in the mood for making Christmas cookies and snow and planning other fun events.
Day 26
Saturday
Thank you, Lord, for:
- shopping for bargains with my mom and sister. I like to go shopping, I really like finding good deals and I love shopping with others! It was a good morning. :)
- watching a Christmas movie in the afternoon while occasionally drifting off to sleep.
- sleeping in my own bed. I sleep fine at my mom's house but I guess it just fits me better.
Thank you, Lord, for:
- shopping for bargains with my mom and sister. I like to go shopping, I really like finding good deals and I love shopping with others! It was a good morning. :)
- watching a Christmas movie in the afternoon while occasionally drifting off to sleep.
- sleeping in my own bed. I sleep fine at my mom's house but I guess it just fits me better.
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