I was thinking about the title of my blog, More Than It Seems, and the verse that says I will know fully even as I am fully known. There are times when I want to be fully known and then other times that I wish I could keep things hidden. There is a song by Rebecca St. James titled Psalms 139 that I love. It's a short, simple song but so powerful. One part in particular always gets me. She sings, "You search me, you know me. You see my every move. There is nothing I could ever do to hide myself from you. You know my thoughts, my fears and hurts, my weaknesses and my pride. You know what I am going through and how I feel inside. And even though you know, you will always love me. Even though you know, you'll never let me go. I don't deserve your love but you give it freely. You will always love me, even though you know."
The thought that God knows everything about me and still loves me is so unbelievable to me. When I'm in church, dressed up and singing praise songs, then it's not hard to believe that God loves me. Or when I'm having a good day with the kids then it's not far-fetched. But when I'm having a really bad attitude about something or just being selfish and really wanting my own way, He loves me then? I've noticed in my own life that it's so easy to tell my kids I love them when I'm putting them to bed and am about to get a break from the whining or crying or just parenting in general. But it's a lot harder for me to say in the midst of all that. I'm so thankful God's love is bigger than the ocean and higher than the heavens and deeper than the sea. I remember singing a song that went like that.
Paul prayed this for the church in Ephesus: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19. I want this to be my prayer, too, that I will be able to grasp this love or at least get a better idea of this love.